DISCLAIMER

Y’all Done Been Warned

This blog is not satire. There will be parts (and entire posts) that are satirical, but this blog is honest, raw, and real. I will not be selling you a parenting method. I will not claim I possess a secret you do not, or display a mouthful of degrees I collected like stamps, or gush about how #blessed I am to be so fortunate when others have it so much worse.

This blog is not for the influencer moms, it is not for the overachiever moms, and reading it has been known to cause moderate hives in moms who think they’re better than everyone else because they’ve never told their child ‘NO.’

You Will Like This Blog If:

  • You love your kids so much that you actually think you might hate them sometimes
  • Threats you have no possibility of backing up pop out of your mouth constantly, and sound slightly more unhinged as time goes on
  • You’ve ever been so exasperated by your kids that you’ve cast your eyes to the side as if you’re on The Office giving the camera a dry look
  • The dark circles under your eyes have threatened to fill in to full panda spots and a full night’s sleep isn’t even on the schedule until 3 years from now

“If you can’t say something good about someone, sit here by me.”

Alice Roosevelt (daughter of US President Teddy Roosevelt)

If you leave nasty comments, I hope you stub your toe to the point of tears every time you hear a bird sing.

If you judge me as a mother, I hope you spend 17% of your driving time waiting at red lights, which is twice the national average of United States drivers.